What Are the Best-Kept Secrets for Career Success?

This question originally appeared on Quora.

What are the best-kept secrets of successful business people? Not only the feel-good, socially acceptable secrets, but the "dark-side" secrets as well.

Answer by Dolly Singh, acting head of talent at Oculus VR.

Have you ever known someone who seems to be able to get everything they want?  The one who seems to breeze through life effortlessly, making up their own rules as they go along, unaffected by the mundane realities of everyday life?

Are some people just "luckier" than others, their roads already smoothly paved, helping them achieve their goals? And are others "unluckier," with barriers cropping up for them out of nowhere, preventing them from achieving their goals?

It’s a slight variation of the age-old question: Do we create our destiny, or are we victim to it?

As most age-old questions go, the answer isn’t simple, and more than likely lies somewhere in the middle. But no matter your lot in life, you can make the most of what you have by not letting what you can’t do interfere with what you can do — and by taking note to some of the habits of the "lucky" people in our lives. Are there skills or attributes that enable some to obtain their good fortune?

These people clearly have an ability to effectively court the opportunities and relationships they want in their lives, and when observed closely, they do seem to use similar strategies and principles in their pursuits.

These 'Principles of Courtship' can apply equally to both personal and professional endeavors. Whether you’re looking to land an amazing career opportunity, a key client or that amazing friendship or relationship, following this basic set of principles will help you court the right opportunities, both in 2014 and beyond.

Principle 1: The art of pursuit

Effective pursuit is about observation, assessment and calibration.

Any good pursuit begins with doing your homework: You must know your goals and standards before you can hope to live up to them.

For example, if you see a company you want to work for, learn as much as you possibly can about the company’s history, current status and future goals. This knowledge will give you credibility as you engage with the company and its network. The more detailed and thorough your effort at this initial stage, the stronger the foundation you will have built for the rest of your capture plan. Inadequate effort in this stage is why thousands of interview candidates each year fail to effectively answer the simple but critical question, "What do you know about our organization, and why do you want to work here?"

Similarly, before you consider starting a relationship (serious or casual), you should know who you are getting in bed with (pun intended), as those choices directly impact your health and safety. "Luck" or success in this case is defined as a relationship in which both parties want the same things from one another, and are adding positive energy to one another's lives.

First, focus on activities you personally enjoy. Then, branch out and try new activities you might find interesting. By focusing on yourself, you’ll increase the possibility of meeting someone, and you’ll likely learn more about yourself through the experience. Once a potential trustee emerges, check for red flags: Pay close attention to the nuances in their behavior, as well as their reputation among others and how they treat people close to them. These details and subtleties are often the keys to making your pursuit successful.

Observe the situations closely, assess yourself and the surrounding context and calibrate your capture plan accordingly.

Principle 2: The impact of energy

Confidence is the closest thing in this world to magic.

The human brain is amazing. Its complexity and magnificence is unquestioned in science and religion alike; it synthesizes complex information and seemingly unseen cues to make dozens of decisions each instant without any awareness from us. These unconscious interpretations made by one human brain, in turn, become unconscious signals that impact the awareness/brains of others around them, setting off profound but nearly invisible domino reactions in every human exchange.

What drives these unconscious decisions? The same force that drives the rest of the universe: Energy.

A person’s energy impacts her mind, both conscious and unconscious, in profound ways. That energy is conveyed in everything about her being, and that energy has a profound impact on every human being she encounters. You’ll notice that many of the people we see as “lucky” share this commonality: They are confident in themselves and their cause, and that belief allows other people to feel drawn to believing in them as well.

The best way to alter our subconscious impression of energy is to consciously increase our confidence level. Confidence is not just a feeling, but rather reflects on our internal, core perceptions of ourselves — specifically, our value and competence as human beings. Confidence is a self-fulfilling prophecy. To become a more confident person, you cannot continue to what you’re already doing; something has to change.

Even the world’s best public speakers did not come out of the womb knowing how to speak. They challenged themselves, took risks and got scared. 

But instead of backing away from uncomfortable (but good) opportunities, they walked into them, fear and all.

Conversely, those who live with self-doubt also form a self-fulfilling prophecy with their internal negativity/darkness translating to their life and relationships; and many times they focus on blaming outside factors. Outside factors are inherently out of your control, so by placing blame there, this prevents a person from ever truly progressing to a healthier state.

Leaders are often normal people who habitually seize opportunity. You’ll gain expertise only when you step confidently into new territory. Act confident to become confident. Eventually, the more we practice, the better and more confident we become. We all have fear, and we all have causes in which we believe. What we allow to win out in the end is our choice.

Another important key to confidence is remembering to take care of yourself. If a sports team fails to nourish and support its star players, it certainly shouldn’t expect to win any championships. Likewise, if you’re not taking time to nurture the person who looks back at you in the mirror, you won't be the only one who suffers.

So before you start your path to a new career or new relationship, stop to do a gut check and find out where your confidence is coming from. Find out what truly defines you, why you are here and whether you’re capable of doing what you came to do. By taking time to nourish your body and to discover who you are, your energy and confidence will grow, preparing you for more joy in professional and personal relationships alike.

Principle 3: The wisdom of surrender

Never use the good to chase the bad.

Take time to re-evaluate every so often, not only how you are making progress on achieving your goals, but also whether your goals are worth the long-term investment.

During the first few weeks and months of any new engagement — the first months of a new job, a new client, or a budding romance — it’s critical to stay aware of your larger-scale needs and goals. Relationships or engagements where you are slowly being drained of energy in the early stages are not likely to blossom into the kinds of situations that lead to long-term prosperity.

Do not ignore red flags. Your time is one of the most precious resources in your life. Ensure that you’re getting what you need from all engagements, and that those engagements are actually adding value/energy to your life. Your closest relationships should leave you feeling both energized in your confidence levels and challenged in your own character development. If they're not, and if the problems are not identified and addressed, those relationships will have a negative impact on your life.

People who value themselves don’t stay in relationships that deplete them of energy and joy. As human beings, we are limited. As with money and time, we have only a limited amount of energy to give. In order to have the greatest impact on the world, we must guard our energy, keeping on eye on how it is spent and how it is replenished.

Principle 4: Be the driver of your success

To achieve success in personal and work relationships, define what success is. Then, bend the world to match that definition.

Set measurable, transparent, and, more importantly, agreed-upon goals for the relationship. You must be able to define and articulate what happiness or success means to you, so that all parties are moving toward a common place. Any relationship without clear, ongoing communication from each party is doomed to [failure]. It is crucial to express and understand one another’s expectations, needs and definitions of success in the relationship.

For example, let’s say you started a new job. After the first few months, you’ve decided you like the team and organization, and you want to continue to invest in the opportunity. In this case, you should take some time to identify where you’d like to be 12 months into the role, and should have professional and ongoing dialogue about it with your superiors. 

A good leader’s job is to enable your success and unlock your potential, but they can only do so if you know your goals, and if you are taking active steps to achieve those goals as they align with the company.

In a new personal relationship, be direct about what you want. If you are looking for casual fun, great — make sure your partner knows. If you know you’d like to be married within the next couple of years, great — make sure your partner knows. Having all parties understand (or better yet, agree upon) one another’s goals is a requisite to any healthy relationship.

Define success on your own terms, and then actively drive others toward that definition.

Principle 5: You get what you give

In a highly interconnected world, the foundation you build today will define your success tomorrow.

Look for ways to provide value to everyone you can on a daily basis. These actions, if consistent, become behaviors that are highly desirable and won't go unnoticed forever.

People who create value for others accumulate goodwill and respectability. That goodwill and respectability translate to introductions, which can build your network over time. Your network, in turn, opens the door for introductions and opportunities for you to pursue.

In personal relationships, especially as social media blurs the line between our personal and public lives, reputation is more important than ever before. The world is large enough that, if you’re honest about what you really want, chances are you can find someone else who wants the same things. Honesty and respect are what most people want in relationships — so in order to get it, we must be ready and willing to give it.

We all face personal and professional challenges, and regardless of what we see in the lives of others, none of our roads have been paved perfectly. Those who appear to be "lucky" in their lot in life are usually those who see every challenge as an opportunity, and consistently seek out ways to turn weaknesses into strengths. It is the energy with which they approach these challenges that begets their success.

By understanding these principles of courtship we can all have a better shot at making the most of the opportunities we have today, as well as pave the way for the opportunities of tomorrow.

7 Hard Lessons Everyone Needs To Learn About Success

It seems logical that if you go to a great school, you work hard, and you stay positive, you'll become successful.

But the truth is that life is a whole lot more complicated than that.

Taking a well-tread path to success doesn't mean you'll have an amazing career, and even if you're lucky enough to have one, it doesn't guarantee you'll be happy.

On Quora, users addressed the question: "What is the most difficult thing to learn and accept about life?"

We've collected some of the best answers that concern the pursuit of money and status. Here are some hard lessons that everyone needs to learn about success:

1. The universe doesn't care if you succeed or fail.

When you're on top of your game, it can seem like the world is on your side; when you're at your worst, it can seem like the world is out to get you. The truth, says Quora user Tom Wills, is that neither is true. You're responsible for yourself.

2. The biggest obstacle to success is often yourself.

And once you recognize that you're not the center of the universe, Wills adds, you may realize that the main thing holding you back is your own behavior. You're probably guilty of this if you can always find reasons for why you got fired from your job, why your startup fell apart, etc.

The user Manas J. Saloi quoted author J.K. Rowling, who struggled with poverty and personal setbacks before becoming a famous writer and millionaire, on this point: "There is an [expiration] date on blaming your parents for steering you in the wrong direction; the moment you are old enough to take the wheel, responsibility lies with you."

3. You're not owed anything.

Wills says that he also realized that nobody owes him anything. In terms of advancing in your career, it's advisable that you do whatever you can to treat people ethically and help out your coworkers. This can build your professional network and give you a good reputation, but it certainly does not guarantee that your good deeds will always be returned.

4. Luck plays a huge role in success.

Catching a big break that leads to landing your dream job, for example, often depends on being in the right place at the right time. All you can do is foster professional relationships and develop your skills to increase your odds of getting lucky.

"People are afraid to face how great a part of life is dependent on luck. It's scary to think so much is out of one's control," user Aditya Gupta writes.

5. Everything you've worked for can disappear in an instant.

When your career goes well and you make enough money to buy a house and put your kids through college, you should enjoy it. Quora user Ankit Sharmawrites that what you have today isn't necessarily yours forever. That's why it's important to live in the present, and be grateful for your accomplishments.

6. You can do, say, and think all the "right" things and still not succeed.

Getting a degree from an elite university and putting in countless overtime hours does not mean that you will be adequately rewarded for your hard work, says user Jon Mixon. And even if they do lead you to influence and money, he says, you can still be perceived as a failure.

7. You define what "success" means.

A big paycheck and the respect of your coworkers are great things to have, but there's a danger to narrowing your definition of success down to them, argues Mixon, because they mean nothing to your happiness or self-fulfillment if you destroy relationships along the way.

"It is difficult for most people to accept the fact that they are only as happy as they allow themselves to be," says user Gary Stein.

8 Things Remarkably Successful People Do

The most successful people in business work differently. See what they do--and why it works.

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I'm fortunate to know a number of remarkably successful people. I've described how these people share a set of specific perspectives and beliefs.

They also share a number of habits:

1. They don't create back-up plans.

Back-up plans can help you sleep easier at night. Back-up plans can also create an easy out when times get tough.

You'll work a lot harder and a lot longer if your primary plan simply has to work because there is no other option. Total commitment--without a safety net--will spur you to work harder than you ever imagined possible.

If somehow the worst does happen (and the "worst" is never as bad as you think) trust that you will find a way to rebound. As long as you keep working hard and keep learning from your mistakes, you always will.

2. They do the work...

You can be good with a little effort. You can be really good with a little more effort.

But you can't be great--at anything--unless you put in an incredible amount of focused effort.

Scratch the surface of any person with rare skills and you'll find a person who has put thousands of hours of effort into developing those skills.

There are no shortcuts. There are no overnight successes. Everyone has heard about the 10,000 hours principle but no one follows it... except remarkably successful people.

So start doing the work now. Time is wasting.

3.  ...and they work a lot more.

Forget the Sheryl Sandberg "I leave every day at 5:30" stories. I'm sure she does. But she's not you.

Every extremely successful entrepreneur I know (personally) works more hours than the average person--a lot more. They have long lists of things they want to get done. So they have to put in lots of time.

Better yet, they want to put in lots of time.

If you don't embrace a workload others would consider crazy then your goal doesn't mean that much to you--or it's not particularly difficult to achieve. Either way you won't be remarkably successful.

4. They avoid the crowds.

Conventional wisdom yields conventional results. Joining the crowd--no matter how trendy the crowd or "hot" the opportunity--is a recipe for mediocrity.

Remarkably successful people habitually do what other people won't do. They go where others won't go because there's a lot less competition and a much greater chance for success.

5. They start at the end...

Average success is often based on setting average goals.

Decide what you really want: to be the best, the fastest, the cheapest, the biggest, whatever. Aim for the ultimate. Decide where you want to end up. That is your goal.

Then you can work backwards and lay out every step along the way.

Never start small where goals are concerned. You'll make better decisions--and find it much easier to work a lot harder--when your ultimate goal is ultimate success.

6. ... and they don't stop there.

Achieving a goal--no matter how huge--isn't the finish line for highly successful people. Achieving one huge goal just creates a launching pad for achieving another huge goal.

Maybe you want to create a $100 million business; once you do you can leverage your contacts and influence to create a charitable foundation for a cause you believe in. Then your business and humanitarian success can create a platform for speaking, writing, and thought leadership. Then...

The process of becoming remarkably successful in one field will give you the skills and network to be remarkably successful in many other fields.

Remarkably successful people don't try to win just one race. They expect and plan to win a number of subsequent races.

7. They sell.

I once asked a number of business owners and CEOs to name the one skill they felt contributed the most to their success. Each said the ability to sell.

Keep in mind selling isn't manipulating, pressuring, or cajoling. Selling is explaining the logic and benefits of a decision or position. Selling is convincing other people to work with you. Selling is overcoming objections and roadblocks.

Selling is the foundation of business and personal success: knowing how to negotiate, to deal with "no," to maintain confidence and self-esteem in the face of rejection, to communicate effectively with a wide range of people, to build long-term relationships...

When you truly believe in your idea, or your company, or yourself then you don't need to have a huge ego or a huge personality. You don't need to "sell."

You just need to communicate.

8. They are never too proud.

To admit they made a mistake. To say they are sorry. To have big dreams. To admit they owe their success to others. To poke fun at themselves. To ask for help.

To fail.

And to try again.

http://www.inc.com/jeff-haden/8-habits-of-remarkably-successful-people.html?goback=.gna_156090.gde_156090_member_201613513

5 Reasons People Fail (& What to Do Instead)

These barriers to success are easy to overcome, but only when you know they're there.

Why do some people achieve their goals while others fail? I believe it's because successful people manage to overcome five barriers that, in many cases, guarantee failure. Here are those barriers and how to overcome them:

1. Uninspiring Goals

When most people set goals, they envision a "thing," such as a particular amount of money, an object (like a new car), or a specific achievement (like writing a book). Unfortunately, these "things I'm gonna get or do" goals don't appeal to the core of what motivates you, because they miss the point that what you're actually seeking in life and work is the POSITIVE EMOTIONS that you believe those things will produce.

Fix: Rather than envisioning a "thing" as your goal, envision--with all the strength in your imagination--how you will feel when you achieve the goal. That way, you'll be inspired to do whatever it takes (within legal and ethical bounds) to achieve that goal.

2. Fear of Failure

If you're afraid of failing, you won't take the necessary risks required to achieve your goal. For example, you won't make that important phone call, because you're afraid that you'll be rebuffed. Or you won't quit your dead-end job and start your own business because you're afraid that you might end up without any money.

Fix: Decide--right now!--that failure, for you, is a strictly temporary condition. If things don't go the way you'd like, it's only a setback that, at most, delays your eventual success. In other words, accept the fact that you'll sometimes fail, but treat that failure as an unavoidable (yet vital) component in your quest.

3. Fear of Success

In many ways, this fear is even more debilitating than the fear of failure. Suppose you achieved something spectacular, like enormous wealth. What if it didn't make you happy? What then? What if you ended up losing all of it? What then? Would your friends start acting weird? Would your family be envious? Such thoughts (and they're common) can cause even a highly motivated person to self-sabotage.

Fix: Decide that you're going to be happy and grateful today and happy and grateful in the future, no matter what happens. Rather than focus on possible problems, envision how wonderful it would be to be able to help your friends and family achieve THEIR goals. (Hint: Watch the last season of the TV series Entourage!)

4. An Unrealistic Timetable

Most people vastly overestimate what they can do in a week and vastly underestimate what they can do in a year. Because of this, most people try to cram too many action items into the short term rather than spacing out activities over the long term. The inability to get all the short-term steps accomplished creates discouragement and the impression that the final goal is slipping away.

Fix: As you list the activities and steps required to achieve a goal, schedule only the 20% of the activities that will produce 80% of your results. (I explain more about this in the post The Secret of Time Management.) Beyond that, set ambitious long-term timetables, but always leave some "wiggle room" when you plan short term.

5. Worrying About "Dry Spots"

It's easy to get discouraged when you reach a point at which nothing you do seems to advance you toward your goal. For example, suppose you're trying to master a certain skill. You make swift progress at first but then, after a while, it seems as if you're not doing any better, or maybe a little worse. Some people use these "plateaus" or "dry spots" as an excuse to give up and therefore fail.

Fix: Whenever you reach a plateau or dry spot, it's time to celebrate rather than give up. A plateau is almost always a sign that you're on the brink of a major breakthrough, if you just have the patience to stick with it and trust that you'll eventually achieve your goal.

10 Questions That Create Success

Want help focusing on what really matters? Ask yourself these on a daily basis.

 

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Pictures of dead presidents have never made anybody happy. And how can you be successful if you're not happy? And buying things with that all money isn't much better. A new car, for instance, might tickle your fancy for a day or two–but pride of ownership is temporary.Think that success means making lots of money?  Think again.

Real success comes from the quality of your relationships and the emotions that you experience each day. That's where these 10 questions come in.

Ask them at the end of each day and I absolutely guarantee that you'll become more successful. Here they are:

1. Have I made certain that those I love feel loved?

2. Have I done something today that improved the world?

3. Have I conditioned my body to be more strong flexible and resilient?

4. Have I reviewed and honed my plans for the future?

5. Have I acted in private with the same integrity I exhibit in public?

6. Have I avoided unkind words and deeds?

7. Have I accomplished something worthwhile?

8. Have I helped someone less fortunate?

9. Have I collected some wonderful memories?

10. Have I felt grateful for the incredible gift of being alive?

Here's the thing.  The questions you ask yourself on a daily basis determine your focus, and your focus determines your results.

These questions force you to focus on what's really important. Take heed of them and rest of your life—especially your work—will quickly fall into place.

TO DO List

	Creating A To-Do List
	By Ramona Creel

Feel free to use this tip sheet / checklist as you tackle your own ""do-it-yourself"" organizing projects. If you would like to REPRINT or DISTRIBUTEthis information, please click here for reprinting instructions.

6 REASONS TO KEEP A TO-DO LIST

• can help you take control of your time
• gives a one-glance look at everything you want to accomplish
• minimizes mind-clutter by keeping track of odds and ends
• improves your memory by writing everything down
• frees up mental "RAM" by emptying your brain of trivial items
• helps you prioritize your activities

BUILDING A MASTER TO-DO LIST

• keep a notepad nearby so you can enter items as they occur to you
• empty all of the to-do's in your head onto a piece of paper
• don't worry about priority, importance, or time frame for completing
• this is your "master to-do list"
• don't try to tackle all the items on this list
• you will build your "daily to-do list" from your master list

CATEGORIZING AND PRIORITIZING

• break your master list into meaningful categories by activity
• home maintenance, work, calls, errands, to buy, etc.
• break large projects into smaller individual tasks
• assign a letter code to each item on the list
• "A" = must do; "B" = should do; "C" = could do
• prioritize items in each category by letter ("A" then "B" then "C")

DAILY TO-DO LIST

• limit your daily list to no more than 10 items you hope to complete
• include no more than 2 large or difficult tasks
• your daily list includes appointments and commitments to others
• also include "A" items off of your master list
• if you have time, fill in the gaps with some "B" and "C" items
• leave room for urgent items that just pop up

DEVELOPING A NOT-TO-DO LIST

• not every item on your to-do list has to be done
• the key to productivity is awareness of how you spend your time
• what you do, how long it takes, and what benefit you get
• create a log tracking your activities for a week
• evaluate the time investment time versus "payoff" for each activity
• how much benefit or enjoyment are you getting from each activity?
• keep high-payoff and enjoyable activities on your to-do list
• ask yourself if low-payoff activities need to be done at all
• if they do need to be done, do they have to be done by you?
• if they need to be done by you, could they be simplified?

HOW TO TACKLE YOUR LIST

• tasks should be completed in order of importance
• unless they have a specific time frame (like a meeting or class)
• is this the best possible use of your time at the exact moment?
• your goal is to complete all of your "A" items first
• then finish as many "B" and "C" items in the time available
• be realistic about how much you can accomplish in a day
• create an agenda for your daily task list
• schedule times for completing specific activities whenever possible
• if you didn't complete a task, you had too many items on your list
• move unfinished items to another day and re-evaluate the priority

MAKING SURE YOUR ACTION ITEMS GET DONE

• if you procrastinate, create artificial deadlines to finish early
• know your work style (long stretches or short bursts)
• understand your high and low energy periods
• plan your to-do's accordingly
• make liberal use of memory joggers -- alarms, sticky notes, etc.

OTHER ALTERNATIVES

• get your family to take on household responsibilities from your list
• ask a co-worker for assistance with routine business tasks
• ...and offer to help out the next time that co-worker needs a break!
• make use of support staff (admin clerks, assistants, etc.)
• outsource jobs to an independent contractor or freelancer
• develop a local co-op for sharing time-consuming domestic chores
• set up an informal chore swap with a neighbor